Meaning. Dreams. Transformation.

I recently blogged about my job as a nanny in a "joking" tone. So this may catch some of you off guard. I actually did think the story told in that entry was humorous, however, on the inside I am hurting. I received my pay check in the mail this week. Great right? Well, it was made out to "Jennifer" Hughes. Just another reminder that I have very little meaning to this family. I am so glad to be in LA and I have said before that I can't imagine us anywhere else. This is true and I still believe with every fiber in me that we are in the right place. One thing still seams to be missing... a job where I feel meaningful. I am praying and dreaming about jobs I would love to do, it just seems like nothing is happening. I am willing to try anything at this point. I thought I had an open mind before, but after my experiences with this family I am REALLY open minded. I am tired of leaving work everyday and feeling worthless, like a screw up, and frustrated. I still have hope that one of these job options (that I day dream about as I clean dishes, make beds, and fold laundry at this families house) will become a reality.

Struggle is an interesting thing, painful and beautiful all at the same time. Part of me says "Quit this job. Who cares if you don't have another one lined up right away, you will find something else." The other part says "Are you nuts? You can't quit. Just deal with it, you don't have anyway to make money so you just need to stick it out until a new job presents it's self." Shockingly I am leaning towards an option that goes against who I once was, safe no-risk Jessica. I have begun quite an internal transformation that has started oozing to the external and I am excited to see where it leads. I still have not decided if I will quit or wait it out, but I will keep you posted.

The world I once considered the only way was one where only realistic options were allowed. Now I am feeling the exciting brush of the option to dream and to dream big. Why not? The hard part for me about allowing these dreams to come to the surface is when it seems like they may not happen. When I followed the rule of always being realistic there were facts involved, I had a pretty good idea if the goal would be accomplished or not. Every time I dream and hope,I risk failure and disappointment. There has been a lot of this lately. This is surprisingly thrilling to me. So my choice now is to keep developing these dreams. It's fun. Give it a try.

Nanny Diaries: "I'm Too Tired"

Okay, I have been working for a family in LA as a nanny. The money is good, the hours are good, but some of the stuff that goes on is just NUTS. So, I have decided I will blog when something extra outrageous happens!

I worked this past Saturday from 4pm-12pm while the parents were out at a Christmas party. When they got back the mom said to me "Can you just come back another day and get your check? I am just too tired to write it right now"

Side Note: I am not working for them again until after the first of the year.

So instead of taking 3 minutes to write a check I will be hauling it back to their house with my parents (they get here tomorrow. yay!) at some point before Christmas so I can get that check in the bank.

Just thought it was ridiculous that she was too tired to write a check. Want to know what convo was happening in my head? it went something like this...

Mom: "Can you come back another day and get your check? I am just too tired to write it right now"

Me: "Just give me your check book. I will be happy to write it for you, then you can sign it. I will even do the math for you."

My actual response was "Sure. No problem" ugh.

So this is the first installment of my adventures as a nanny in LA. More to come!

Love from the West Coast,

Jess

Thanksgiving in LA

This Thanksgiving was a little different for us, but left us stunned and in awe of the community we have here at Mosaic. A friend from Mosaic owns an amazing house and he opened it up to the us and about 40 or so other people who were in LA for the holiday! People started arriving at 9am to prepare the meal together as family. The tables in the picture below were set by the hands of people that we get to serve with at the Mayan. I thought they looked pretty amazing. At 6:30 pm on November 25th these tables were filled with wonderful people who care for each other. The room was filled with the smell of yummy food, laughter, sharing of stories, and love that I cannot explain.

#1 thing I had to add to my list of "Thanks" this year. My marriage to this man. The past 6 months have been a challenge to say the least, but Luke has been solid. In my moments of panic, confusion, joy, frustration, excitement, fear, and discovery he has been there in a very real and intentional way. I can not imagine being anywhere else, with anyone else.

We both have great memories growing up of holidays spent with family. This year we didn't get to go home to GA, but we were so excited to make new memories here with our LA family. We both miss our families in an intense way, but we also have this unexplainable peace about where we are in this journey. So since this place feels so right, the holiday was not spent missing what once was and looking backward. This year we were able to be grateful for our families who believe in us and support our dreams while creating new memories and looking forward. Doing this with the people we are serving and dreaming with in LA is something we are beyond thankful for.

Love from the West Coast,

Jess